12:42 and Typing

Do you ever get that feeling?  You know, the one that you can’t get rid of?  The one that makes you pull out your computer at 12:42 at night and start typing?  Well, I have that feeling, that urge… that pull, and I don’t quite know what it means.  It’s true that I will most likely wake up feeling like the waking dead, wishing I had gone to be a solid two hours before I finally did, but that pull still happened, and I don’t know why.

Maybe it is coming off of one holiday free fall and into another that has me reminiscing and dreaming, or it could be because I just finished Nora Robert’s Dream Trilogy (which was very good and one that I would recommend to all who love a good tale and a quick tumble), but either way, I am thinking and dreaming. 

What are my dreams, you might ask?  I can honestly say, “I don’t know.”  I have always had dreams, big lofty, slightly skewed dreams, and like every little girl, my dreams have been crushed.  I wanted to be a figure skater when I was little, but I never took lessons.  Translated: Failed Dream due to Never Being Exposed.  I wanted to become a scientist, but I met Chemistry.  I think that one is pretty clear.  I wanted a boyfriend, but here I am in my third year of college and still nothing has happened.  Translation: A whole bunch of shit when down between the ages of 13 and 20, so I am still pushing that dream along.

Now I do have dreams that I keep plugging away at.  1) I want to be a writer – a published author of novels.  I want to tell the world what I think through the eyes of characters that I can never truly be.  (I am far too much of an introvert to even think of doing half of the things my beautifully wonderful characters do, and I am perfectly fine with that).  2) I want to fall madly in love, get married, and have 4 kids.  All of this is non-negotiable (other than the kid part… I would also be fine with 3 to 6).  3) I want to go a full year without feeling sad and blue and worthless.  So far I have been able to go 2 months without a remission, but hey, that is better than 2 days.  Baby steps.  Remember the baby steps.

So now that I have completely spewed and rambled on, I will bid you farewell for a while.  My eyes are drooping, my feet hurt a bit, and I am preparing myself for the last week of school (ish) before finals week.  It will be stressful, it will be trying, I will cry at least once, but I know I will come out victorious and scream unto the mountain, “I Rule!” but that is all for another day.

Good Night, and Sleep Well

Alexandra

“Hold fast to dreams. For if dreams die, life is a broken-winged bird that cannot fly.” 

-Langston Hughes